Murphy's Rules of Wargaming

Being April 1st and all, I thought I would post my (Murphy's) Rules of Wargaming.  Or at least some interesting observations made over the years:


Gaming Truths I Hold to be Self-Evident:


The performance of your table-top Army is inversely proportioned to the quality of the paint job.  Therefore the coolest looking minis will always die first.


Also see the time you spent preparing an Army for a game is inversely proportioned to the amount of time that Army will actually remain on the table.


You will always roll a "1" when you "absolutely have to roll a "2+"


You're reading the rules wrong.


Special rules never apply to your force.


Good dice will, eventually, run out of luck.  They're made that way.


The cuffs of your 15mm Napoleonic French Light Infantry have the wrong piping color...


The flight stands of your meticulously painted and prepared flyers are made by the lowest bidder.


The floor kills 100% of your minis, 100% of the time.


You won't make your reserve roll until turn 5.


You will not dislodge British infantry with French infantry.


You will take your hand off the mini before realizing you didn't move it where it needed to go.

Additions from the Comments Section:

"you should have charged"

"All metal pikes/spears/pointy bits will find that spot under your fingernail."

And a late addition:  "Pewter and lead bayonets....break"

When removing miniatures from their bases with a hobby knife, you will injure yourself.